3 Signs You’ve Been “Introvert Shamed”

Do you feel like an introvert living in an extrovert’s world?

Key points

• Introverts are made to feel ashamed for avoiding the spotlight.
• Signs that someone has been introvert shamed include being bullied or mocked for being quiet or shy.
• The pressure put on introverts to change their behavior always backfires and causes increased social anxiety.

“My whole life, I felt bad about myself. People asked, “Why are you so quiet? Why don’t you speak up? Why do you spend so much time alone?” Derek sighed as he spoke to his weekly therapy group.

“My friends said I was boring, my parents called me unmotivated; if there is an unattractive adjective for a quiet person, I was called it.”

Derek isn’t alone. Introverts are often judged and made to feel ashamed for avoiding the spotlight. Choosing small gatherings or quiet nights over parties shouldn’t make anyone feel like a freak. Yet, that’s just how introverts are made to feel.

Derek continued: “Being an introvert in an extrovert’s world is unfair. Why do people have to be so mean?”

Introvert and extroverts

Unfortunately, the common thinking about introverts and extroverts is overly simplified: Introverts prefer time alone, find pleasure in quiet self-reflection, and are overwhelmed by large social gatherings. Extroverts despise alone time, avoid self-reflection, and constantly seek social contact for distraction and recharging.

The truth is, many of us exhibit qualities of both; there are times we feel outgoing and enjoy social contact, choose to seclude ourselves, and enjoy being alone. In a perfect world, we would toss aside negative judgments and accept that all people are unique and express ourselves differently.

So why does the introvert remain a social punching bag?

The shaming of introverts

Before we consider why introverts are targeted, here are three signs you’ve been introvert-shamed by others:

• You were bullied or mocked for being quiet or shy.
• You were guilted into participating in social gatherings.
• You blame yourself for being awkward and different.

The pressure put on introverts to change their behavior always backfires. In fact, the pressure only succeeds in causing increased social anxiety.

Why mistreat introverts?

Frequently extroverts wield social power and crave validation and attention. To them, introverts are downright bizarre; they have such contrasting values. For example, the introvert doesn’t seek attention, doesn’t crave social validation, and is comfortable being alone; qualities that extroverts find bewildering.

So what’s going on behind the impulse to target an introvert? Here are some possibilities why an introvert may feel bullied.

People may feel:

• Threatened by the introverts’ quietness
• Insecure about their own intelligence
• Rejected or ignored by the introvert
• Powerful knowing the introvert won’t fight back
• Anxious and uneasy when unvalidated

The power of introverts

The article “The Surprising Benefits of Being an Introvert” outlines some very positive qualities that introverts possess. Here’s a sample of the benefits of being an introvert that the article highlights.

Introverts tend to be:

• Good listeners
• More thoughtful about what they say
• Comfortable observing others
• Good friends
• Loving romantic partners
• Mindful networkers
• Compassionate leaders

Proud to be an introvert

As Derek shared his feelings with his therapy group about being an introvert, other introverts spoke up and shared their feelings as well. By breaking their silence, they felt less isolated and formed a healing bond. They began to celebrate the positive qualities of introverts and put to rest the idea that there is a universal standard for social interaction.