How Grudges Destroy Relationships … and 5 better ways to manage frustration. Key points Frustration is a natural part of any intimate relationship; grudge-dumping isn’t. Pent-up frustration can lead to temper tantrums, explosive arguments, and words designed to produce maximum hurt. Healthy ways to process frustration in a relationship include speaking up early, writing a […]
The word “hate” provokes strong responses. Some parents forbid their children from using it; many religions preach against it. But what if hate isn’t the problem? What if the expression of hate can be helpful—and, at times, healing? Like every complex feeling, it’s not “hate” itself that’s the problem. What you do with hate determines […]
Frustration is unavoidable in any relationship, particularly with close friends or romantic partners. The space between people will always be fertile ground for miscommunication and misunderstanding — and grudges. It would be unthinkable for even the healthiest intimate relationship not to experience intense frustration or hurtful moments. But before you read any further, take a […]
Have you ever heard someone yell, “I’m not angry?” If you have, then you’ve witnessed an unwanted feeling in action. Disowned feelings are those prickly emotions that you attempt to block out of awareness. You tell yourself you’re not feeling them and give them the cold shoulder. Unfortunately, ignoring unwanted feelings comes at a high […]
You wake up with a familiar ache in your heart. Sadly, you can’t remember when it wasn’t there. Sometimes healing hurt seems to go on forever. You’ve done everything you can to help yourself. You started weekly therapy; began journaling, exercising, and watching your diet; and self-help books pile up on your nightstand. And yet, […]
Battling yourself is a natural process that leads to a stronger sense of identity. External obstacles are dramatic, the source of great theater. When you fight against something in your environment that’s causing you suffering, you have a clear target. You can see what’s standing in your way: financial hardship, a health challenge, a problematic relationship, […]
Plus three tools for parents and teenagers that will never fail. Yes, teenagers are moody. (See The Negative Voices Inside Your Teenager’s Head) But before you label your kid with anger issues, ask yourself this question: Could I be the cause of my kid’s angry outbursts? So often in my psychotherapy office, I witness well-intentioned, […]
Once upon a time there was a bird that lived in a cage in dark shadowy room; then one day his cage was moved outside. For the first time he see birds flying free. He watches them dive through the air, sing and play; he sees small birds wrestling in trees, large birds cooing and […]
That tension you feel in your neck? It has more meaning that you think, It was a moment that changed my life. It was about twenty years ago, and I was a patient in a therapy group led by Dr. Louis Ormont, a pioneer of American group therapy. I was discussing the devastating death of […]
Everyone gets angry. But how we manage anger is very different. Some of us store up frustration, hold grudges, nurse hurt feelings, or isolate ourselves; others rage and blame the world and everyone in it for their problems and their feelings. These behaviors will only hurt us and damage our relationships. What’s worse, they give […]
