The Truth About Teens and Sex
…and the one factor tied to virginity loss two years earlier than average.
When I lead parenting workshops, I can feel the anxiety in the room spike when the issue of teen sex is raised. Mothers and fathers often get anxious when they see their teenagers—specifically their darling sons or daughters—morph into sexual beings. One mother, in the midst of parental panic, blurted out: “How will I know when my kid is having sex? Please tell me.”
Unfortunately, my office isn’t equipped with a crystal ball. But the following statistics about teenagers should sooth fears and resolve some of the mystery.
According to a recent study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, which conducts the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), the average age of teenagers in the U.S. when they lose their virginity is 17 years old (16.9 for males, 17.2 for females). In fact, over 80 percent of Americans have had sex by the age of 20, usually with someone slightly older than them—0.6 years older for males, 1.4 years older for females. (The ages for mutually consensual sexual activity are largely the same among homosexual and heterosexual youth.)
Exposure to Sexually Explicit Materials
Due to relaxed restrictions on film, television, and the internet (that porn empire in your home!) teens have more access to sexually explicit material than ever before. One click and they see more, learn more, and can be traumatized more by sexually explicit materials than any other youth in history.
Even more troubling, while parents do their best to block and filter access to these materials, tech-savvy teens have an uncanny way of outsmarting them. (For more, see my book When Kids Call the Shots.) Well, parents, if you’re worried that all this exposure has increased sexual activity among teens, you can relax: The age for virginity loss in the U.S. hasn’t changed. In fact, it has been consistent for years.
Do Female Smokers Have Sex Younger?
Study outcomes can be wacky, but this outcome really leaps off the page: The NSFG study showed that female teens who smoke tend to lose their virginity two years earlier than non-female smoking females teens.
You may wonder if nicotine becomes an aphrodisiac for teens, or if vaping is the new foreplay. The answers are simpler than you think. Young smokers tend to be risk takers, which makes them much more likely to engage in risky behaviors. If you’re collecting data on oppositional defiant disorders in youth, teen smokers are more likely to be predominately featured.
Time to Talk About Sex
If you want your teenager to approach his or her first sexual encounter thoughtfully, then it’s time for you to have an awkward conversation. Yes, “the sex talk” is still a must. Sure, you may receive resistance, eye rolls, and gag responses from your kid (“Gross, mom! Seriously!”), but don’t let them discourage you.
If you’re anxious about having “the talk,” a spouse, cousin, or family friend is a fine substitute. The more teens know about sex, the less likely they are to be impulsive or engage in risky behavior. According to the NSFG report, 74.4 percent of parents today talk about sex with their kids. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a parent who has the conversation; any trusted adult will do.
Whether it is sex or another major life decision, open and positive communication with your teenager will inspire him or her to make smart choices. Remember, the best way to keep your kid healthy is keeping your relationship healthy.
